i just found out that my old friend is engaged.
i feel sick.
and i feel weird for feeling sick about it. emotionally and physically sick even though we’ve been out of touch for a long time. the forefront of my brain says i’m not jealous, but these signs tell me my frontal ain’t working properly. but jealous of WHAT? i wouldn’t want to marry him, and i am more than ok with not being married. so it’s not that, that’s icky.
maybe it isn’t jealousy. maybe it’s the finality of things that makes me feel awful.
i tried not to be snarky when i found out, but my response was simply, “mazel tov! when? how exciting and settled.”
i actually said settled. what is my problem? i am so rude. but i’m annoyed!
why do people have to grow up? and change? why am i so horrid about keeping in touch with people?
i am in a bad mood right now.